he told you he still liked me. 
so you write me a note telling me how mad you are at me.
yes, my presence bothers many on this earth.
well girls are silly.
today i felt pretty.
even though i got up late and rushed to school.
my mom was yelling this morning
"whose going to care?"
i hope he noticed.
thats who.
and im definitely not talking about the boy previously mentioned
i packed a left over tacobell chalupa for lunch 
and left it all on the counter.
i didnt go to track practice.
alvin dropped me home
we talked about johnny
who we saw coincidently at kristens house as we pulled in the driveway.
speak of le devil.
so i went in my house and ate my taco
which i had been pining for all day.
and felt good.
and now im downloading those chill ghetto grooves to my itunes
for my ipod that doesnt work.
what a fuckin day.

this things bitchin
laid in the grass at practice today
now my legs are itchin

im gunna work my ass off this weekend
but thats what i always say.
instead i come onto this vortex piece of shit
and throw my life away

my ipods broken
i dont think its comin back to life
detentions seem to like me
not much lately is going right

listenin to my music
im jammin and dancing
then all of a sudden i think of you
you, are you just another passing fancy?

oh late night
none of the  "important" stuff done
but who are you to decide
oh i see "authority", "superiority", "youre too young."

summer means road trips and new york and space to be filled and lived in between. i only wish i didnt have to be conscious all the days in between now and then.

i am not one 
you can biodegrate
from my broken body 
bleeds deadly hate
from that wretched body 
i cannot seem to seperate
ive inhaled your poisons
your words of toxic waste
wrap around my neck
cause me to asphyxiate.
you use your penis to think
to fuck, to fornicate
you dont see the girl
just contemplate
how easily
she'll cooperate
if you dont lead the debate
if she puts up a fight
unable to stand not being in power
you take flight
who were we kidding
this second time around?
amisdt our arguments
we only further drown
was it ever love
a relationship built
upon firm ground?
or just lust
lust,
which kept us bound?

i wrote this because you make me sick and this makes me feel better

with obscene amounts of remorse and disdain - i cleaned my room. now i cant go inside it. i just cant.
there was this family on tv who didnt believe in cleaning. cleaning kills. dur. otherwise when you swallow a bottle of cleaning products it wouldnt burn your insides away now would it?
let see, ive sent my dad away fishing but if hes fishing how is he supposed to bring back mcdonalds hashbrown && eggmcmuffin (no meat)?
im going to start calling my foods nikifried chicken and niki sturuedels and nikironi and cheese. nahh. although i do like the ring nikironi and cheese holds.
well mentioning foods got my stomach bitching at me. 
why are ppl starving when americans have big gluttenous guts from all the food weve got?
i used to go to the bank with my mother and go through the drivethrough part where they shoot a little bottle with your money to you in a tube. that should be imitated(even though most of the time imitation is bad) where the tubes connect us with starving ppl in other countries and we give them food or shout random things into it. well that was a stupid idea but you cant say anything as youre tossing your barely eaten meal in the trash without a single thought about how much you WASTE going through your head.
you know maybe other countries wouldnt be so inclined to kill us if they had food. in a heiarchy of needs its essential- food that is. and if everyone was able to eat comfortably that would bring at least a smidgen more cheer to the world.
this is my journal and my mom cant read it ! i can go happily through the rest of my day thinking that thought!
i am a serial-canniblistic-rapist-killer-dominatrix-with-schizofrenic-tendancies-and-bad-breath-and-a-mustache
and even if this were true.  . . she cant read it! mmm. im loving it.<3

johnny came over and helped me forget i was grounded. we watched nacho libre and ate doughnuts and were silly. 

"ive had diahrreah since easters",  says the priest (which was enough to make niki laugh so violently she snorted).

now i am alone with my thoughts, those annoying things which keep me up way past 1 in the morning.

coby && i are hanging out soon.

ive got to stop cause otherwise i'll never be real again.

as in real-
ly happy.
or any happy at all.

lost my renaissance fair virginity today thanks to corbin. =)
it was fantasmical.
woo. tried on a corset, which was quite breathtaking. . . literally.
im going to work there some day. its truly a whole other world.

last night was jampacked with awesomeness as well. had evan and the foreign exchange friends over for a movie night. of course evan and i picked out a nice american movie, Dude Wheres My Car. Another first timer for me. i know i know, i cant believe it either that i hadnt seen that movie.
"an den an den an den an den an den . . .!!!"

im wearing my horns tomorrow! 

peace && stuff